An Angel Never Dies

Today is my due date...April 27th, 2011 Today I should be holding my brand new baby boy or girl, I should be anxiously waiting to tell Jake what 'it' is since he wasn't able to be home for the birth, I should be introducing T and S to their newest sibling. I should be looking into those little blue eyes and thinking this is Heaven. I should be seeing who they resemble the most, wondering what they're gonna look like as they get older. I should be telling everyone the name, how much they weighed, compare it to my other chunky babies, I should be starting to breastfeed again, changing newborn diapers, pulling out the sleepers and onesies. But I'm not... Instead it's just another day, no one even knows.

If I was seeing a counselor, they'd probably say something about living for the future and moving on from the past. I still shouldn't be thinking of the 'should haves, would haves or could haves'. I know this, but my heart still feels this way...Hallmark should make cards for times like these. They could say "Remembering Estimated Due Dates" they'd be blue, pink, yellow, or green with shooting stars, moons, and rainbows and say things like "Today probably hurts more than childbirth, I'm sorry."

We were due to meet today, The pain I feel, I cannot say. I would of loved to hold you tight, and cuddle you to sleep at night. Instead I'll hold you in my heart, and from there you'll not depart.

An Angel Never Dies

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,

That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave,

I’ve loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold

It doesn’t mean I’m gone

This world was worthy, not of me

God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,

What you are forced to face

You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,

Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was meant to be,

God doesn’t make mistakes

But that wont soften your worst blow,

Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,

Another child you’ll bear

Believe me when I say to you,

That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,

When you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips

And then you’ll understand.

Although I’ve never breathed your air,

Or gazed into your eyes

That doesn’t mean I never was,

An Angel never dies