Just another Goodbye.

Jake left an hour and 41 minutes ago... :( These goodbyes never seem to get easier like everyone always says, in fact they seem to get harder. The kids are getting older so they seem to know that daddy is leaving yet again. Poor Jake has to walk away only to come back to Storie walking or Tyler learning more and more. I feel so bad for all of us. It just sucks so much. I wish I could have my family together as a whole for always. I miss my husband. Watching Jake get on a plane, sail away on a boat, or just dropping him off at the pier for an underway it feels as though when he walks away my heart goes with him. It's a physical pain to where it just hurts. Like someone ripped my heart out. It's also a mental pain, I now have no one to talk too, no one to tell my day too, no one that comes home to me. Our meals suck when Jake is gone. By that I mean I am a lousy cook, HA but also that if I make a big meal there is always leftovers. It's hard to cook for 1.5 people. I think the worst part though is night time. I go to bed alone. Even if Jake and I never touch during the night I'm always comforted that he's there, beside me. I have his warmth, he lets me put my cold feet all over him! (He's the best!)

I just miss him. None of my family knows what it is like either.... I mean they get the jist of it, yeah he left again, but I should be use to it by now.... I don't think anyone really takes the time to think about what we go through EVERY time Jake leaves for an underway, for a deployment. Not knowing when I'll see him again, when I'll talk to him again, when I'll be able to email him again. It's so hard on Jake leaving and coming back to kids that are more advanced than when he left, doing new things he missed out on. It's hard on me too. I'm the one that has to explain why daddy is gone again. That daddy misses and loves them. I'm the one that has to video and photograph every little (insignificant or not) thing so daddy can see what we are up too. I'm the one that has to be the single mother keeping the kids to their schedule, trying to keep things normal, going on with life when all I want to do is cry and sleep the month away.

I guess tonight is just a pity-party for me...I'm just tired of feeling like life is passing us by while we're busy waiting on daddy. We love him so much and can't wait for the day we can be together again!