october 7th, 2010

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes.

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a mother and

I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby.

This we know is true.

But God, can you be a mother

When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied

with confidence in His voice.

I give many women babies.

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime

And others for a day

And some I send to feel your womb

But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this.

God, I want my baby here.

He took a breath and cleared his throat

And than I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you

What your child is doing today.

If you could see your child smile

With other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons

of life, and love, and fear.

My mommy loved me, oh so much,

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom

Who had so much love for me,

I learned my lesson very quickly.

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, oh so much,

But I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

And whisper in her ear,

'Mommy don't be sad today,

I'm your baby and I'm here' "

So you see, my dear sweet one,

Your children are okay,

Your babies are here in MY home

And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME

Until your lesson is through.

And on that day that you come home,

They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother-

It's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of,

Right from the very start.

-author unknown

I found this poem today and fell in love with it. I cried all the way through it. Tomorrow would have been my first midwife appointment. I should be 11 weeks along. I should be going to this appointment and hearing that little heartbeat for the first time, maybe getting an ultrasound if I was lucky!! But instead I sit here, with an empty womb and a broken heart. I know God has other plans and I am learning to be okay.

"He has torn us, but He will heal us." Hosea 6:1